2002-09-09-Session with Sonja

Session 1

Alana: Yes, this is Alana.

David: Welcome, Alana.

Sonja: Thank you, Alana, for coming today.

Alana: Yes, beloved. So, focus your attention, now, deep within. Allow yourselves to slip into the stillness of my heart room. Breathe my love in. Allow. Allow. Allow my love to fill your minds. Breathe it in. Filling your bodies. Creating the heart room. Allowing the energy of love to give you courage, understanding, and acceptance. Breathe it in now. Filling your bodies. Allowing now, allowing the energy of love to move through you and around the circle you have created. Ready now, ready to welcome your hearts concerns, your minds confusions. Welcome now, into the center of the heart room, I welcome now your friend and partner, Chris. Yes, I hold him now in my lap. Blow love upon him.

Sonja: He is very sad.

Alana: I am looking now, deep into his eyes, down, down into his heart. Blow love upon him. Yes, Legion is pouring the courage and comfort of his love into the mouth of Chris. Relax now. Allow him to rest in the center of the heart room, as you come to me, now, and speak your heart. Surrender his sadness to me, and speak your heart, beloved one. You have no need to think yourself less than, for your intentions are true.

Sonja: Yes, my intentions may be true, but my skates are a little dull. I would like to know what the steps I can take are to say and do the right things. As it is now, I don’t know what to say or what to feel at all.

Alana: So, when you put out an intention, and it knocks upon a closed door, the inclination is so human to take the intention back and try to shape it differently, and then to carry it forward to bang upon the door, or to carry it upon your shoulder and weigh you down, thinking, struggling, hoping, “If I just lift this intention up and bring it down with greater strength, or a better step, then surely the results will be as I intend!” Beloved, when an intention has not been received, when your desire has not been achieved, learn to rest in the stillness of your love and allow, allow intention to rest at the door, speaking your love, sending your love through the closed door, allowing your love, allowing the intention to seep under the door, through the keyhole, around by the hinges, and let it go. Your intention is to reach your beloved behind the door, but he is not ready, and you interpret this as something you can do or haven’t done, or have done wrong, or should do more of. You are one who has so often accomplished through communication, through intelligence of words, and quick action. When the results you desire do not appear, you search the pockets of your mind for yet another thing to do. You were quick, beloved, to place him in my arms. This, beloved, I do not criticize. I have held him and caressed him, but now I would place him with Legion, in the comfort of Legion’s arms, and I open the center of the heart room to you, now. Step inside, my dear. Allow me to place my love into your heart. (Long stillness.) Thank you.

Sonja: (sigh) Thank you.

Alana: So…

Sonja: I have another question. It seems in time of stress, or when my partner is angry with me, I can’t think of the words to say, all the words are wrong, and if I say no words, that’s wrong too. I don’t know how to calm the situation when he sits and waits for that word which a caring person would say, but I don’t seem able to get it out.

Alana: Beloved, do you doubt your ability to care? (No.) Do you doubt your love? (No.) Then, beloved, let us look at what you say: I sit there and I can not produce the words a caring person would say. Let us unravel your mind. Open it up and pour all those thoughts out into my lap. All those clever ways to do the right thing. Dump them out and surrender them to me. You try, and in the trying you exhaust yourself, and shortly your mind turns and joins with the one who is so troubled and points the finger. And you are more than humbled, you become discouraged, and in discouragement you become demanding. Love has no demand of you. Love has no demand of him. Surround yourself with love, now. Breathe it in. Breathe it out. Your mind empty. Your heart full. When you speak of “right” steps, “next” steps, “what steps should I take?” your mind is running, running in place, running in many steps, but I would have you empty the mind again, be still. Let go. Let go of “I can do it!” Let go of “I cannot do it!” Surrender. Surrender. You would have it be over now. You would have him be…(happy?)…healed (umm, yes) now.

Surrender your fear. Surrender your doubt. Have faith in the power of love to heal, even when the results you seek elude you. There is a healing going on, but it can not be just you, and it can not be just him. As you pursue love, the deepest understanding of love, you will discover that while love embraces all, permeates all, each must come to the center of love, the still point of joy, alone. And once you have tasted the nectar of the honeycomb, then you discover the paper thin cups that hold the honey of love uniquely so for each, that is when you discover those paper thin walls are like the walls of the heart room, transparent, and you can see one another, hear one another, be with one another in that still point, which is joy, at the center of love. But do not try to force your honey into the honey pocket of another. Even in your silence, even in your most poetic words, even in your declamations, your declarations of love, love is always to be received, to rest, to be given away. It is a gift.

You feel it so strongly, it is very human to believe it is yours and you can make it go from here to there, but love is different than the ordinary means by which human beings communicate. You do not take this point and push it into that point. You do not tug it out and have it go from here to there. Love is an energy that definitely passes through like your examples of electricity or telephone, but it passes through in stillness. It comes to you in the stillness. Beloved, know the love within you first. I give it to you now. Filling your heart. God’s love pours down upon you. Fills you. In the stillness. Rests within you. In the stillness. You give it away. In the stillness. When you struggle for words, when you struggle for lack of words, turn to faith, faith in the power of love to show you the way, to show him the way, to embrace you even in sadness, even in fear. Allow that love to heal you, as it will heal him.

When a person would heal another, it is quite common to imagine doing. Your surgeons cut. Your doctors give you pills. You fix the bed. You cook just the right concoction. But the healing, the true healing, my beloved, is a healing of surrender. At the very heart of every cure is the most remarkable experience of love’s stillness. The strength of love, the power of love, the energy of love, the force of love, all actually resides in the stillness. Sometimes you sit there and you look so quiet, but your mind is running about. That is not the stillness of which I speak. This you will know with practice. The stillness is not a searching. The searching has been given up. The stillness is not a changing. The changing, the trying, the struggling, has been given up. In that still point at the center of love where is the fullness of joy, all real change happens.

Sonja: The anger in my friend’s eyes and his voice really frightens me.

Alana: Yes.

Sonja: I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone so angry.

Alana: Yes.

Sonja: Years ago when he was very angry, and very upset and very depressed, I was afraid to leave him alone. Now I seem to be able to leave for at least a little while without worrying too much. Is that the right thing?

Alana: You know. Beloved, trust…one moment please…so, let me put it this way, for you would have the right prescription. Yes? Have faith in your own understanding. Trust you are being guided by your love for this beloved. What you struggle with is not whether or not to stay or go, but the…well, she (the t/r) has no word, she sees your head filled, like a bowl with many different colored strings and lots of little colored dots and if she could paint it it wold be quite a jumble and it would be like one of those, she says there used to be pictures in which she tried to find all the hidden objects. It s a picture of confusion and fear and things hiding and maybe they will jump out, or maybe they will disappear. So, what she is trying to convey for me is that your struggle begins in the mind. You trust your impulse, “Yes, I may leave.” But then you allow your mind to step over that beautiful impulse of trust and begin to take over, and your mind of all of thoughts takes you far away from the original surrender. Do you understand?

Sonja: Yes, I do understand.

Alana: Good. For your love is great and strong and it will always tell you, “Yes, beloved, you may leave him now. Yes, beloved, it is good to go.” And your love will say, “Now, beloved, it is time to return.” It is the troubling in between with which you struggle…fear, returns, doubt, returns. You rob yourself of the happiness that you are able to enjoy. Let me tell you this, beloved: enjoy your happiness. He suffers, yes, but do not suffer for him, he does it very well all by himself. Certainly, you blow love upon him, but blow love upon yourself, as well. Surrender that fear, “what if?” Surrender that doubt, “what if?”

Sonja: Thank you. I do have one more question. May I know who my personal guide is?

Alana: Yes, she was here in the very beginning, and your friend, the transmitter, tried ever so hard to hear the name, but she can, with me, tell you of the experience. We shall see what slips through. This teacher has been with you since you were three. She taught you…well let us say, with you, she lifts your mind and your heart into joy…one moment please….She has the quality of contemplation. She speaks to you frequently when you are with your friends, the animals and the sounds of what you call forest, or wilderness, or natural wonders. She has a lightness of being of the color green. When your friend is able to allow her in, you will find she is quite a talker, which is why she enjoys speaking to you on the wing, you might say. This allows her love and wisdom to dance all about you. She does not stay in one place, you might say. Sometimes, you could say, she sits on your shoulder. But she is one to move in front, to go by your side, to wiggle your tushy (chuckles)…yes, it is really hard to grasp this one…you might say, how do you say it…ah! Irreverence and, well not exactly trickery, but you understand the fun in playing tricks? Well, that is her style. Not to hurt. Never to trip up and smash your nose. But definitely to keep you on your toes! And, to require of you a co-operation. But she will not keep you hanging on a string. Always she will pull you to her.

Sonja: Someone else to keep me on my toes! I should have been a ballet dancer. (chuckles) Alana: Yes, beloved, that is it for now. Ask again when the opportunity arises. She has brought you to this place, for she longs, as you do, for the conversation to take place in a form that will allow you in your stillness practice and your solitude to take comfort and have greater confidence that what you hear is real. It only takes a little patience with this transmitter.

Alana: Yes, and God is with him (Chris), and all will be well. As it is within the heart of your beloved, whose vacation, as you call it, has begun to heal and restore a mind that had become scratched with repetition like a broken record, forcing, not allowing. Thank you.

Session 2

Legion: I will bring the comfort of love into this home through the comfort of my great arms which will embrace this man.

• A fragment on the tape:

The gift of joy can be held in the heart even through difficulties, if one remembers you are love, you have love to give away. Another, the gift of imbalance – did you appreciate that imbalance that sent you trembling into the mindal patterns of fear, doubt, conspiracy, ganging up. Such a wonderful tumble you have had. Let me attempt to clarify the apparently less than obvious…you expressed appreciation for the gift of guidance and clarity, the gift of balance, the gift of the truth spoken with love, embraced by love, even through the mouths of these dipsy doodles you call sisters…yes? I, beloved, am simply wishing you to understand, the quite incomprehensible, yes? that your imbalance, once embraced by love. Becomes balance. Once embraced by truth, accompanied by love, becomes balance, yes?

David: I have begun to see that I am a worry wort like my mother.

You are guided to surrender, surrender your position, shall we say, of importance. (You can call me the godfather! Chuckles) Yes, peace of mind. Balance. Be at peace with your beloved, your sisters, your friends. Embrace your differences with love. Be in balance, and this is the greatest celebration of all: that you have surrendered me, you might say, to meet with Song. (I was able to do that because of my absolute trust in you. The love that you have given me has proven to be so trustworthy.)