2003-09-28-Who Am I?

Session

Opening

Prayer (Unknown): Center and Source of all love, we your children reach out in faith and trust, knowing you are our Creator. You have blessed us all with personality. We are unique! While we don't understand that fully, we accept that responsibility and ask your assistance to move forward. Be with each of us as we walk our individual walks in gratitude for the love which made our creation possible. Allow us now to reflect that love to our brothers and sisters who like us seek only to be like you and fulfill our obligation of personhood. Amen

(Group conversation of the individual feelings and the energies felt during our prayer circle)

Daniel (Bob S.): This is Daniel, greetings my faithful students and welcome to another week’s session of teaching and learning, learning and teaching. As you know, those two abilities go together. The teacher is at times the student and at times the student becomes the teacher.

Tonight we have a special treat for you. There is someone here who is new yet is old. With those words of introduction, those words of titillation, (Daniel laughing) I hand the microphone to our guest. One moment please.

Teacher (Bob S.): Greetings my friends. I will not tell you my name initially. Let us play a game. I will speak for a time and then see if any of you can identify me.

Friends your growth is commendable. Your insights are expanding. Your wisdom is profound. Yet, you are just beginning. The future holds an ever-expanding universe of possibilities over which you have complete control. I refer of course to your freewill. While you will have a number of advisers, counselors, and supernal resources, it all comes down to you. You have the final decision. We can advise, urge, nudge, pontificate, and do all manner of things, but the final decision remains yours, as the universe has been created. You have been told this many times and I am just adding my words to the wisdom of others.

Those of us who have come back to join you in this most exciting time for Urantia see much which we could tell you about but our mandate is such that we cannot tell you. We cannot make your way easier for that would not in the long run be of assistance for your spiritual development. It is necessary that you walk your walk alone. No, you are not alone, yet, you must make the decisions necessary for spiritual development and growth. This you know.

I came prepared with a short lesson tonight. But! It is now time to identify me. Who am I?

LaReen: Ham came to my mind.

Tomas: We have one vote for Ham. (group laughing)

Ken: Have you been with us before?

Teacher: Yes!

Ken: Are you of this world?

Teacher: Now I am! I am an ascendant being as are you. Any other.

Bob D.: Are you a finaliter?

Teacher: No!

(Group comments and laughing: I like this game. It’s like playing “What’s My Line”. I feel like 20 questions)

Teacher: Any other guesses, any other insights, (definitely has a sense of humor) any other feelings? Come now! Use your new Morontial skills (laughing… what Morontial skills) and search your minds.

LaReen: It’s a teacher with a sense of humor.

Bob D.: Lester!

Teacher: I have two votes for Lester! (Group still laughing and talking and guessing amongst themselves, could be Tomas).

Tomas: Yes! I am Tomas. I made the long trip North and it’s a great pleasure to be with you all (welcome).

I, too, have gone through some grief with you with the loss of your colleague and co-founder and friend. I asked to present the lesson tonight because I feel I know you. I spent much time with you collectively and individually, which may surprise some of you, and feel I know you well. Hence, the reason for my presence.

Lesson

As you have been advised loss is a major part of living. Seems odd doesn't it? Death and living, living and death, go hand-in-hand. You have to die to live; you have to live to die. I fully understand your lack of understanding for I was in your shoes at one time and I didn't understand the meaning of life and death at that point any better than you. One of the things Bill is now beginning to understand is the reason for death. It becomes much clearer at the next level. The physical level remains almost an enigma. As you know in your lives most people! say they believe in heaven, but as push comes to shove they behave differently. I'm not speaking of your brother Isaac here, he knew full well what was ahead of him and reacted as is expected. Your society, as do most of your concomitant societies in the so called western world have much to learn to really understand the meaning of death. It is impossible for me to explain it. One has to live it and your day is coming as you know.

To prepare yourself for that the best thing you can do is to continue to grow spiritually. Every day that your soul grows (it) builds the faith necessary to overcome the fear of death, of the unknown, of that unknown experience. It allows you to rely on that foundation you have been developing these many years. The better job you do with that the more easily will you handle death. So, you are all on the right road.

My lesson is a lesson of persistence. My friends, continue to do what you are doing. It is your faith that exudes the love which overcomes the fear which the unknown generates. I hope and pray my words will be of some assistance to you for I know you all are in the throes of grieving. Let those feeling out! Feel what you are feeling! Speak to others what you are feeling. Do not be shy or afraid or worry about what others might think. They have their own feelings to express. Your willingness to lead might he! lp them to do what they need to do. Do not fear your feelings. They are what they are! They express your animal nature and right now you're hurting. Allow your self to hurt, to feel, to express, and to grow. For death and loss are a part of life. Experience life my friends. It is important that you do so.

Well, I hope that helps friends. It has been my pleasure to be with you again and I would be glad along with my associates to answer any questions, comments, you may have. The floor is yours. (pause)

Dialogue

Ken: Thank you Tomas for sharing your love with us. You say you cannot describe death. Then, on the other hand, you say Bill was prepared to accept his death. This experience of dying and being reborn, resurrected, if you will, on the receiving world and your words to say:“ to prepare to continue on what we are doing,” will help us accept this death process. I am a little confused when you said you cannot describe what happens when you die. Can you say something about that? I'm confused!

Tomas: Yes, Kenneth, I would be delighted to respond to your concerns. Your textbook provides solid information giving foundation for entry into this new phase of your life. Each of us is different. I could tell you what I experienced, but you may find it quite different. It is my fear, if I can use that word, that I might blunt or reduce the experience for you if I talk at any great length about my own experience of death and resurrection. That’s why I said I feel the words in the book are sufficient, for most people, to adequately prepare themselves with the knowledge the book provides of the details of the death and resurrection process.

Since each individual is different, it seems to me unwise, for me, to do anything other than encourage you to continue upon the path you have chosen. Continue your soul growth and allow the events themselves to play upon your life, to be the experiences they will be for you. Is that satisfactory or do you wish to pursue further?

Ken: No, that will suffice for the moment. You're telling me to read the book. I will, again and again.

Tomas: For those of you who have not read that section about what Morontial World Number One is like, yes, that would be most helpful. I had very similar understandings in my world of mortality. So I think that would be a solid basis for your preparation. If you feel after more thought and reading that is not sufficient, I'm sure one of us teachers would be glad to share perhaps some of the details of our own experience. I am reticent to do that in a public forum. My feeling is... that it perhaps should be more of an individual program rather than with the whole group. I hope that helps, Kenneth.

Ken: I think I understand what you are saying Tomas.

Tomas: Thank you. I was struggling with that as you probably guessed. It is an area that is difficult to describe and even if I was to describe my own experience, I am not at all sure it would be of much help to anyone but me. I think I will rely on your personal teachers at this point. They all have had the experiences and can provide that information if your decision after some contemplation is that you are still not where you feel you would like to be. Any other questions, or comments or concerns?

Bob D.: I appreciated your comments about being persistent tonight and moving forward. My curiosity is how much of my desire to move forward spiritually and begin all these projects that are in my head, is how much of that is a true spiritual leading verses a kind of… with Isaac’s death now, it seems like you want to make things happen now. It kind of wakes me up to the fact that life is right here, right now. You can always think about what you are going to do tomorrow, when the kids grow up or when you retire. Really what we really have is right here now. So I really want to be effective with all of my time, which then I find out I am not getting enough sleep because I am spending ! too much time on some of these things. I'm trying to find a balance there for what is healthy in recognizing mortality and trying to be more purposeful… maybe unhealthy, maybe avoidance of the emotions, or bury the emotions in work.

Tomas: I think upon reading your statement/question you will find, Bob, you have answered your own question. The balance is what is what we all should seek. Particularly at the human level you cannot do every thing you would like to do. As you have stated previously you really have several roles as husband, father, student, teacher, college student, what am I leaving out, (group: friend, brother) and part of life is to learn how to balance all of those roles which are important to you. That’s what’s life is about, learning how to balance those things.

What I could add would be very little, for in asking the question you will find the answer. I suggest when this transcript is in front of you, that you will see clearly what…, perhaps not clearly but more clearly, what you need to do. (get more sleep) You're not a perfected being. Your ego has not been fully controlled nor has it in any of your friends in this room. You all have to deal with that. That is what living on a mortal sphere is all about, perspective, discernment, wisdom, balance. What might work for one of you may be out of balance for another. That’s why everyone has to work that out for themselves. That’s life, that’s why you're here. That’s what you've been put here to do and to learn from. So, you really don't want me telling you what to do (of course I do, group laughing, it ain't going to happen). No, I really can't do that. Your personal teachers aren't going to tell you. We are here to advise and to encourage. When you make a mistake say: hum mm, what can I learn from that and move on. That is what life is all about. It has become a cliche? for you at this tim! e but really life moves on. I am not suggesting you make light of your loss. No, experience your loss. Understand how you have been hurt. Decide what you must do to continue living.

Isaac would not want it any other way. That is what he is doing. Yes, he worries about his friends, but that is his nature. You worry about your children, that is the nature of parenthood. It is important that you feel those feelings, but remember you need to rise above them. Feelings must be understood and given perspective. They are an important part of you, who you are. Don't miss those, they are important.

Know the sun will rise again tomorrow and the day after and the day after. Learn from yesterday, live today, and don't worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will come tomorrow. Live today. That’s one of my favorite sayings. Thank you for allowing me to work that in. One of my mentors taught me that one and I share it with you in hope and trust and in love.

Closing

Are there other questions, comments, friends? (pause) This has been most enjoyable. I long to get back and meet with each of you. I regret it took the occasion of the graduation of our friend Bill to accomplish this, but I trust my time with you will be helpful. Let us now stand and close our meeting in the usual fashion. Larenzo wishes to close our meeting.

Bob D.: Great and glorious Father give us perspective so that we may see clearly our place in the universe. We aspire to the knowledge that you contain. We come to you tonight approaching with a child-like-heart, hoping also to know of your love. For in that embrace of love we know that all knowledge is truly kept. Grant us your insight as we move forward in our existence. Show us the way and we will do our best to follow. Amen.

Note

[Notes on the above Idaho transcript by Gerdean Bowen who normally transmits Tomas in her group, Albuquerque, New Mexico. Idaho Team recently lost their transmitter Bill Kelly]

Good morning, Ken, and Idaho TeaM,

Imagine my delight and surprise to open my eyes this morning to see Tomas in Idaho, pouring forth in fine fashion. Isn't he a jolly good fellow? It was totally in keeping with him that he would counsel you to feel your feelings in order to get past them. And gracious that he was sharing his feelings of loss -- as well he might!

Tomas (and I) will never forget Bill Kelly's sensitivity to the spirit! I recall one time in particular when Tomas was new and "interning" with Daniel. Daniel had given his portion of the lesson through Debbie Roberts. Then Tomas said, "My topic this evening is forgiveness," and I totally freaked out. My mind said to him, "Tomas! I don't know anything about forgiveness!" (As if I was the one giving the lesson! Ha!) and I sweat buckets because I could not go forward, could not go backward. I was totally frozen in space. Panic mode. Ham was present and recognized that the T/R equipment had gotten stuck so he made contact with Bill, who was not even on line! Lo, imagine my relief when Ham came in to "fix the equipment". His gentle authority was all I needed to give up the illusion of control and to allow the process to happen the way it should. Tomas was then able to assure me that HE knew something about forgiveness and HE would teach the lesson if I would just sit back and relax and let it happen. After a short message, Ham stepped back and Tomas proceeded to teach us all something about forgiveness.

Boy, I tell you, I don't know what I'd do without these Fellows! Thanks Bob S and all of the SE Idaho TeaM for making me feel, as always, at home in your midst. Love, Gerdean

[Additional Notes by Thea Hardy and Gerdean on the problem of a T/R getting used to individual teachers.]

Thea Hardy:

When I first transmitted, I was not able to let much of the teachers' emotions come through. When Mark came on-line, he was much better at this, and I realized that being formal wasn't that great - it made it easier for me to let go. I think I had some notion that formality was necessary so I was clamped down - I used to notice that my hands were curled tight when I transmitted in the early days. Tense? Oh, yeah! But after awhile, I was able to let the emotions through better, and the teachers just have such delightful personalities!

One thing we noticed right away was that LinEL was very different to transmit from Serenia or JamEL. Machiventa & Michael still pose me some problems this way. The Mother Spirit less so. But Serenia is really easy to transmit, not just for me but others. JamEL is really given to long, sometimes convoluted but clear sentences. The structure of his conceptual thought process is something else. LinEL has always been rather difficult to transmit, for both Mark and I. It's like trying to fit his mind into mine - well, it's not a good fit. My mind is just too puny, or something. This made an impression on me - if this were bogus, they should all be about the same to transmit. But they never were, right from the start. I used to get a terrible headache before transmitting Machiventa - whether from stress or something else, I don't know. It's not that way anymore.

The whole thing is fascinating on so many levels. Most important to me are the lessons in love, and expanding truth, beauty and goodness. And the lessons on trying to correct our messed up minds. But in addition, the process of transmitting has definitely kept me humble and taught me a lot about being human.

I appreciate hearing about your TR experiences, Gerdean - it expands my awareness and understanding of my own. thank you!

[Response to Thea] Gerdean:

Yep. But in my first year as a T/R I was still learning to let go of control and let it happen. For a long while after this mortifying experience, I tried hard not to listen to what he was saying because when I paid attention, my own mind inadvertently absconded with mechanism he was trying to use. I think I have finally I learned the right balance of detachment and mindfulness, but you know what? The restraint is still there. I mean, look at Olfana! Every now and then I give Tomas some rope and he is really very expressive. Maybe not quite as effusive as Teacher Olfana, but he sometimes reminds me of a sexy philosopher or a gifted Shakespearean actor, FAR more expressive that I have allowed him to express. So I guess I can look forward to having more to learn . .. and not just forgiveness, but panache! Gerdean