2009-10-29-Inner Source of Freedom

Session

Opening

MICHAEL: My sweet children...this is Michael. And I'm most glad to be with you...always, always, always and forever. This contact need never be lost. But it is up to our free-willed children to invite us to be a part of you...self-consciously...here inside.

You're such amazing creatures. And so I'll give due credit to our Universal Father for coming up with the idea, actually, of all of us. And now to Mother Spirit and Myself, we are a little more directly and immediately responsible for this pattern being that you are...working with Our Life Carrier Sons...seeing to it they don't get too wild in their experimentation. I'm teasing of course, because they are not this capricious at all with the very life entrusted to them.

And so, as a way of honoring Our Father, honoring you, I'd like to talk a little bit about the kind of creatures you are. Awhile ago, Mother Spirit and I once had a serious reflection -on a handbook for being human...the handbook of a human being - that unfortunately, at your stage of planetary development, you aren't given one of these at birth. You are not always instructed in the kind of being that you are as you grow up. So, a great deal of your complexity comes at you totally from without and you fail to recognize deep from within what you yourself are doing. And this objective fallacy is the cause of so much terrible suffering...especially in terms of social and political and national warfare. And you often have two combatants - whether in the home or outside or in those enormous wars you've known and still know - two combatants fighting as much themselves as each other.

Lesson

So where do we start? Let's start with this person who's listening to me right now or perhaps later reading a transcript. Let's call this your conscious self...your field of consciousness...you've got your eyes open and looking around the room. There's a lot in this field of consciousness. If you, yourself, are aware of yourself, let's call that your ego...when you're aware of yourself...mind and body, heart and soul in various combinations...who you feel yourself to have been...all your memories and things that you have done and the sum total of all your self-conscious self. And I'd like to point out how necessary this ego is as a social construct. How you see yourself and feel yourself to be is how you present yourself.

Think back to those very early days of your early socialization in kindergarten and early school and all those other children who presented themselves a little too melodramatically and had to be trimmed down by all their classmates for being so pretentious. Think of all those poor little shy ones who didn't have the nerve to present themselves at all - as they kind of hung out in the corner of the room peering shyly about. Think about just walking down the sidewalk or being in the situation where you're meeting new people for the first time. You have to make a presentation. You have to be there for others. So this is a necessary social thing, the ego.

Ego is not all your consciousness. Right along side this social necessity to be there, you also have this marvelous self-forgetfulness. It's when you seem to fade away. Something else fills your field of consciousness.another person, some delightful hobby, some intense work your doing. So, this is your conscious self, whether you are in it or not. This is what fills your memories and waking hours...the you that Mother Spirit and I address.

But it is by no means the totality of you. Let's just call that your personhood...your total person...being...this personal being that you are...this created being ...this creature...

We have informed you as your Urantia Book says...and you may know deeply, instinctively, inside...that you are unique. There is no other like you whatsoever...anywhere...anytime. This fundamental reality that you are we call your personality. Obviously, this is different from the personality peak of...or personality princess of your highschool yearbook. This personality is your fundamental, god-created being. Only God has a sufficiency of infinity to create an infinite number of unique beings of dozens and dozens of orders, from the human, right on up. This personality is very distinct from your ego. It's such a profound reality, such a point of departure, you can literally not grasp your personality as an object. That little mirror that you hold out in front of yourself to be aware of yourself...this is your ego. Personality is who you are as a point of departure...a nodule of experience out here in time and space. At this first phase of your eternal life, this personality is intimately associated with a body and mind in order to achieve consciousness. A consciousness is dependent on a body and mind.

There is another part of your being and this is also a part of your personality. It's what we call Spirit. It's a way in which God not only shares personality with you, He also shares a portion of His creativity. Spirit is how you, as a very discrete being here in time and space, can bring something new into time and space that never existed before. Certainly all its many little components, all the little pieces of your new invention already existed. But the way you put it together...this is a power of creativity...the greatest that God has and the greatest your personality has. You are endowed with Spirit as a quality. As your Urantia Book says: God is the focus of personality and the Eternal Son is the focus of living Spirit. It shows a primacy of personality to Spirit. In other words, you are a personality with Spirit...you are not a Spirit with personality.

So, you have this body/mind. And I put those together because this is the part of you, my children, that does obey impersonal law - pure biochemical cause and effect - right down to the little dancing electrons in your brain and body...this living creature you are. It's what all your scientific instruments can detect, right down to those millionths of a volt, dancing between cells.

And so, what I'm saying tonight, and what I want you to get a feeling of, is that this conscious you...this field of consciousness that you are in the middle of and creating...is not entirely only your body and mind. If you were strictly a causal being, no matter how complex your brain is...no matter how many billions of cells that exist there...the kind of consciousness that you have is still enormously, qualitatively distinct from any animal...no matter how intelligent because you are endowed with this personal spirit. Your consciousness is part of this personal creativity of yours. Your consciousness - your mentality - is more than just your physiological brain activity...and has been right from the very beginning. This is true whether you are aware of yourself or not, or are enjoying some delightful self-forgetfulness.

The personality is always creating.

Think of your body and mind as this pure continuity that obeys physical law and personal law. Then your personhood is more than this...your experience of life is more than this. The Urantia Book gives you a rule of thumb to grasp this complexity of physical facts, mental meanings and relationships, and then, spiritual value. This may seem very strange...like what is value? Why can I, as a human being, detect value...to see value in something in a way that no animal can? So, it might sound very strange. So, let's put it this way. You're constantly with your person, your personality in this spiritual quality. You're constantly evaluating your reality every instant. Right now, you're evaluating what I'm saying. You evaluate how you feel when you get up in the morning and sit on the edge of the bed, the taste of your morning cereal or breakfast, or how someone says hello to you, or the soul behind the eyes of a person you lock gazes with. It's a constant thing your personality or spirit is involved in - value - which is transcendant to either meaning or fact.

IT'S HOW YOU ARE TAKING FACT THAT IS A CREATIVE ACT IN THE PRESENT MOMENT. And also, my children, THIS IS THE BASIS FOR YOUR FREEDOM! THIS PERSONAL CREATIVITY, THIS INNER REALITY YOU HAVE IS THE VERY BASIS FOR YOUR BEING ABLE TO ACT INDEPENDENTLY OF WHAT CAME JUST A MOMENT BEFORE.

Now, we say that this is potential because this is not only a quality you are able to exercise, it exists along an enormously broad, quantitative dimension. So we say, to a large degree, that this free will is potential because it is conditioned and bound about by a thousand and one little determinisms - not only physical... that is, you can't literally fly...without an airplane; there are all kinds of things you can't conceive of mentally. You have all the conditioning of your culture, your time, even the degree that your planet has evolved. All of these condition your free will. By being aware of this conditioning, your free will is a little more free and more aware of its boundaries and what you can do within these boundries.

We're getting pretty complex here. You're a personality with Spirit, you have a mind and a body, you have a consciousness which is not only your own personal spirit but has three other great spiritual influences right in this inner reality:

• 1. A fragment of God helping adjust your thoughts and your consciousness.
• 2. Mother Spirit augmenting these basic constituents - INTUITION, KNOWLEDGE, UNDERSTANDING, COURAGE, COUNSEL, WISDOM and WORSHIP
• 3.My Spirit of Truth as a way of orienting yourself towards truth...towards that totality.

And so you, as this conscious being with this inner reality, this totality of you, this personhood is an encompassing. It is a living encompassing in which you move and live and have your being. And this whole pattern, this whole distinct human pattern that you are was very much in God's mind before you existed. This is the essence that literally preceded your existence. This is Spirit...this is creative Spirit.

So I'm saying this tonight, my children, so you can have this feeling of you surrounding you...of you existing in the field of you. So all of that out there, all of that seemingly purely objective world, even the room your sitting in...is partly you. That's that wonderful oriental expression of "Thou art that". And that, out there, is partly you.

So, this is the orientation I would have you carry with you from tonight. We call it open-mindedness...open-heartedness...being open in your mind and in your heart to this living encompassing, like a bubble all around you. For this is yours. This is what you will always have, forever. You will always be in this encompassing of your own interpretation, your own take on both your inner and outer reality. THIS IS YOUR FREE WILL. THIS IS HOW YOU CAN GROW TO CHOOSE HOW YOU TAKE IT...WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT.

But there is another very big part. This is your soul. This is another whole kind of reality, but still part of your personhood, part of your human being. This is the story of your life, not only as you feel it and remember it as your ego consciousness, but as He - also and equally, as a fragment of God - has taken on your life...with all the completeness and wholeness of THAT point of view. This is that miracle that awaits you when you awaken on the mansion worlds and all of a sudden your soul...this creation...this point of view of your entire life is so much more suddenly yours.

But I tease. I tease you in order to get you in your meditation to address your own soul and say, "Dear soul of mine...Dear Father fragment...Dear presence of God in me, What have you got for me this time? What is this enormous wealth that I am accumulating here, living day to day, of which there is no substitute anywhere? What have you got for me? What can you show me? What do I need to know, of all that has been...from YOUR point of view?"

We call this humility. This is what you experience in the presence of something enormous. Not only all that out there, all those millions of galaxies and all...but your own soul...is enormous compared to this moment by moment self-conscious you. But this moment to moment self-conscious you has the power to decide to choose to orient and open yourself to that which is so much greater than you...greater even than your own soul.

And so, my dear ones, I hope I've helped you develop a little more appreciation for all that surrounding personhood that you are as you walk along and look about and wonder at all of that out there, that there's something in here that almost perfectly counter balances all of that out there. Mother Spirit and I desire for you to have both and feel strong, not only out there, but in here - in here where we are.

Mother Spirit sends all Her love and I bid you be in My peace.....

Now, if you have any comments or questions, we most truly delight when you do open your heart and your mind and your soul, and ask of us what you really need to know. What can we truly help you with?

Dialogue

Gerdean: Michael, this is Gerdean and I want to thank you for your words this evening. They were very satisfying and I feel enriched by them. I’m afraid, however, that it’s going to be like Chinese food and I'll be hungry in a few minutes. I’d like to have a takeout bag, if I might, and let me see what I am looking at here.

I particularly found it valuable that you talked about evaluating -- the root word of that is value; we evaluate all the time -- as compared to judging. Sometimes I’m afraid to evaluate because of the perspective that I’m judging instead of evaluating. I’ve become so ultra sensitive to judgment -- my own or others -- that I almost don't want to think anymore, or factor anything anymore. I even have a hard time calling you into my focus.

I know you are there, and I trust you are, but you know … I used to have a routine I used to go through and I could feel you. I would go through this mantra, and the door would open, and I would be in your presence and we'd talk. But somehow I've closed that off and said, "No, it's not working anymore; He's bigger than that." And yet I miss that routine.

I'm not sure of what I'm saying here. I'm whining, I'm sure, but it’s kind of like I feel I've outgrown an old pair of shoes and haven't found the new shoes that fit me yet and so I feel a little awkward and I really did find value in what you were talking about in terms of how great we are as entities in and of ourselves, that you created us to be -- with our personality and our potential, with the Adjuster and you and Mother Spirit and the adjutants and the Spirit of Truth and all the things that conspire to make us who we are. It's really very tremendous and yet -- I don't want to shut down a soul that is growing -- and yet I don't want to sit down to talk to me, myself.

I know that sometimes these conversations we are having is us reaching for an alter ego … and it works; there is no shame in that, but I don't want to just be talking to myself and looking to myself for answers. I guess, as I sit here listening to myself whining, in the cosmic sense of connection, I'm feeling disconnected. I don't know why I would feel that; I know you are there, but I feel disconnected, nonetheless. I don't know if that was a question. I think it might have been. Could you address that, please.?

MICHAEL: Oh, very much so, daughter. This is, I think, why you are here now expressing yourself. You want some feedback, you want some answers. I mean you want this conversation not to be just one way, just a worship and an appreciation of all that you are, but you are hungry for something that will actually reassure you that those old shoes that you left go, the routine you once had, has actually lead to something greater. This is not a regression but a real progression here. And for this I –

What I first heard you first mention was that it was so very nourishing a feeling at first, but like Chinese food it would not stick to your ribs, like sitting down to an old-fashioned European-American style Thanksgiving dinner with the turkey and the dressing, mashed potatoes, gravy, sweet potato, all those things, followed by a huge dollop of pie and coffee. That definitely sticks with you! You have a big lump in the middle of you that stays with you for four or five hours. And if you’re used to that, then that delicate, but much more nutritious and much more healthy Chinese food might be a better way to get to see 90 years old rather than keeling over at about 50, so what I hoped tonight was to give you is such a feeling that stays with you. And it might indeed make you feel so light you are indeed like a nodule floating around in time and space, but part of you is us, and I know this is your own sense of trying to contain yourself and pursue the truth by, as you say, by not being judgmental, but not making some kind of overreaching evaluation.

But also tonight I was pointing out the fact that just by living, just by being a living person, you are constantly evaluating; there is no way of escaping this. This is true meditation, opening yourself to what we have to say or what your soul has to say, what your Father fragment has to say. Opening yourself this way is like truly listening. Even – in other words, it’s not just holding your mind a blank. Stillness has to come about by itself, and you might sit there for 20 minutes with this earnest desire to be still and to listen, to be open to what other than you is saying to you. And what I am trying to point out to you, my daughter, is how this is a continuous process and sometimes by giving up those old shoes and relinquishing those former routines, just be aware of the routine you are evolving, because if you are not aware of this, you can feel very disconnected, very bereft. You can be so intent on not making any kind of value judgment that you miss the fact that you are evaluating constantly. And we are here.

Do you see what I’m getting at? This is a quality of openness and accepting your full human nature that all of a sudden you can detect what we are, what all of reality is even, what other people, actually, are giving you all the time. Does this make sense? I hoped tonight to give you a sense of this living being --

Gerdean: Yes. MICHAEL: -- that is with you at all times -- Gerdean: Yes, it is. MICHAEL: -- and is our creation.

Gerdean: I guess it just lacks the drama that I am accustomed to. MICHAEL: Well, my dear, there is a difference between drama and melodrama. Gerdean: True. MICHAEL: There’s a difference between Shakespeare and soap operas. Gerdean: Yes.

MICHAEL: And if you are used to the heavier stuff, if you are used to that that big Thanksgiving dinner and you are used to that big lump in your stomach for a the next three or four hours, then a lighter thing, in a sense, might be – you have to be a little more subtle here. You have to allow yourself to be more subtle because you are higher progressing. As you grow in subtlety, your listening has to be more subtle.

Gerdean: And then I have to trust that our relationship is more intimate somehow, and more subtle? MICHAEL: Well, it has to be real! You do have to feel it. I’m not saying you have to pretend something that’s not there. Gerdean: That’s good.

MICHAEL: This self honesty is the most critical thing. Allow yourself to be more subtle. Allow yourself to evaluate more delicately. And don’t cling to the past. That is gone. Those old shoes don’t fit anymore. You can’t help progressing … well you can keep from progressing by drowning in nostalgia. It’s like trying to go forward looking in the rear view mirror. It’s just – Open! Open and be aware of this evaluation that you cannot suspend. Your mind is always working; your spirit is always constantly evaluating everything you do, everything you take in.

Gerdean: This must be what my evening meditations have become. A process of evaluating my daily experiences and interactions with people because I always do that and I always feel you are tagging along and participating somehow.

MICHAEL: But also, my dear, as you mature, you need less and less – and this is good! – you need less and less the heavy hand of a parent constantly assuring you that the father and mother are there. As you become more free, it takes more and more openness and shall we say sensitivity [tape abruptly ended]