Assertive
Origin
Latin assert- participial stem of as-serĕre ( < ad to + serĕre to join, put) to put one's hand on the head of a slave, either to set him free or claim him for servitude, hence, to set free, protect, defend; to appropriate, claim; to affirm, declare, state. Compare also medieval Latin assertāre (frequentative of asserĕre) to affirm.
Defnitions
- 1: disposed to or characterized by bold or confident statements and behavior <an assertive leader>
- 2: having a strong or distinctive flavor or aroma <assertive wines>
Description
Assertiveness is a particular mode of communication. Dorland's Medical Dictionary defines assertiveness as:
a form of behavior characterized by a confident declaration or affirmation of a statement without need of proof; this affirms the person's rights or point of view without either aggressively threatening the rights of another (assuming a position of dominance) or submissively permitting another to ignore or deny one's rights or point of view.
During the second half of the 20th century, assertiveness was increasingly singled out as a behavioral skill taught by many personal development experts, behavior therapists, and cognitive behavioral therapists. Assertiveness is often linked to self-esteem. The term and concept was popularised to the general public by books such as Your Perfect Right: A Guide to Assertive Behavior (1970) by Robert E. Alberti, and When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How To Cope Using the Skills of Systematic Assertiveness Therapy (1975) by Manuel J. Smith.
Communication
Assertive communication consists of sharing wants and needs honestly in a safe manner. This presumes respect for the boundaries of oneself and others, which boundaries include the physical self, possessions, and relationships. It also presumes an interest in the fulfillment of needs and wants through cooperation.
According to the textbook Cognitive Behavior Therapy (2008), "Assertive communication of personal opinions, needs, and boundaries has been ... conceptualized as the behavioral middle ground, lying between ineffective passive and aggressive responses". Such communication "emphasizes expressing feelings forthrightly, but in a way that will not spiral into aggression".
If others' actions threaten one's boundaries, one communicates this to prevent escalation.
In contrast, "aggressive communication" judges, threatens, lies, breaks confidences, stonewalls, and violates others' boundaries.
At the opposite end of the dialectic is "passive communication". Victims may passively permit others to violate their boundaries. At a later time, they may come back and attack with a sense of impunity or righteous indignation.
Assertive communication attempts to transcend these extreme by appealing to the shared interest of all parties; it "focuses on the issue, not the person". Aggressive and/or passive communication, on the other hand, may mark a relationship's end, and reduce self-respect.[1]
